eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize