This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
