Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
