How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
