I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
