So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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