Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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