hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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