I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Plan B is the new Plan A
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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