Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
