Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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