We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
