so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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