I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
