did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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