umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
