I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
