how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
