You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
