kristin has been a bad kristin
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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