Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
