i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize