I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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