I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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