i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
