you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
