I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
