Where did you get a picture of my penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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