OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize