no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
