1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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