it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
