Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
