Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
