Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
