Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
