My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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