and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
