Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
