So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
