i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
