dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need moral support for this bender
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
