If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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