also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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