oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your cock deserves a montage
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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