I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
