If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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