saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
