I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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