He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
