great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
