So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
