May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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