i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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