margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
