i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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