just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
