DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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