The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize