You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize