i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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