watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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