Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
