Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
