Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
